Guest: Elaine Lin Hering, Author of Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully
In the latest episode of The Best Boss Podcast, I had the privilege of speaking with Elaine Lin Hering—facilitator, speaker, Harvard Law School faculty alum, and bestselling author of Unlearning Silence. Our conversation explored a theme that resonates deeply with every leader striving for excellence: the often-invisible forces that shape silence in the workplace—and how to dismantle them.
What Is “Unlearning Silence”?
Elaine defines silence not as a peaceful pause but as the absence of safety or space to express needs, concerns, or perspectives. It’s what happens when team members sense that speaking up is risky or futile—when they self-censor, defer, or disappear.
We don’t just fall into silence; we’re taught it. Through subtle cues from childhood, formative career experiences, and systems designed for efficiency over humanity, we learn to hold back. But here’s the challenge: we also get rewarded for it—until we don’t. That’s the paradox Elaine lays bare.
Unlearning silence is the process of intentionally identifying and removing these internalized and systemic barriers so individuals and teams can thrive. It is a dual act of courage and curiosity—on the part of the team member, and the boss
Get the book: Unlearning Silence on Amazon
The Shared Responsibility of Silence
What makes Elaine’s message revolutionary is her insistence that the burden should not rest solely on the individual. Telling someone to “speak up more” or be “louder” may sound empowering, but it ignores the fact that some environments penalize boldness and reward silence.
For bosses, especially those aspiring to be the best bosses, this means actively asking:
- Am I defaulting to communication methods that serve me but hinder others?
- Have I inadvertently designed systems that silence voices I need to hear?
- How can I make space for post-processors—the people who need time to think before they speak?
Elaine offers a powerful reframing: best bosses don’t simply “listen more”—they proactively create the conditions where people feel safe and encouraged to contribute.
Awareness, Action, and the Unseen Power of Preference
Elaine invites leaders to understand how different people process and express ideas. Some are real-time thinkers, others need space to reflect. A best boss knows the difference—and asks. Instead of assuming, they engage in conversations like:
“What do you know about how you work best?”
“Are you a typer or a talker?”
“What can I do to help you contribute at your highest level?”
By naming their own tendencies and inviting dialogue, great leaders reduce unintentional harm. They also model vulnerability, which turns trust from an abstract goal into a living, breathing team dynamic.
Small Shifts, Big Impact
Elaine offers tangible, human-centered suggestions:
- Move meetings to better accommodate your team’s rhythm.
- Invite post-meeting reflections from quieter team members.
- Use your positional power to validate others’ perspectives.
One example? Simply acknowledging the value of someone’s viewpoint:
“You’ve only been here two weeks, which means you bring a fresh perspective the rest of us can’t see anymore.”
This small act not only encourages contribution—it reframes newness as an asset.
Who Was Her Best Boss?
Elaine’s answer is a poignant one: her Sunday school teacher, Auntie May. Small in stature but large in impact, Auntie May led with humility, consistency, and selflessness. It was never about her—it was about who she served. And that ethos of leadership continues to shape Elaine’s mission today.
The Takeaway: Unlearning as a Path to Unleashing
To become a best boss, you must be willing to see what you’ve been blind to—your own silence, your team’s silence, and the systems that hold them in place. From that awareness, you can begin to unlearn the habits and assumptions that no longer serve you—or the people who count on your leadership.
This episode is not just a conversation; it’s an invitation to lead more humanely, more intelligently, and more impactfully.
